mom friends

When I was in school I tried to have as many different types of friends as possible.  While most of my friends were associated with the band in some way, I didn't want to belong to just one group of people.  I'm sure I could have done better, but overall I'm satisfied with the variety of people with which I was acquainted.  However, I'm noticing that as I get older I am truly friends with fewer and fewer people.  I am friendly to everyone, but I don't want to be everyone's friend.  I'm sure it has to do with my stage in life, it is hard to build a relationship with someone who has no idea what I am going through on a daily basis.  My routine and schedule is completely centered around my children and it is hard to bring a non-parent into that lifestyle.  Someone who doesn't understand what it feels like to have a newborn living in your house, who doesn't know what it feels like to have someone touching and/or needing you physically (and emotionally and mentally) all day long, and who doesn't know what it is like to hurt when your child is shunned by other kids on the playground can't commiserate with me.  The funny part of all of it is that when you are a parent, especially those that are stay at home parents, NEED to have friends.  There has to be someone, other than your spouse, to vent and talk and laugh with.  I have found a few women that I am really drawn towards, women I feel know exactly what I am experiencing and who understand my quirkiness.  Sadly, some of these girls live in other states so the chances of a girls night out or lunch/play date is very slim, but it is amazing how easily text messages can connect people.  Since moving from Florida, my closest friends have come through text message and Facebook conversations, maybe that is a sign of the times or just what happens when you don't get out much, either way I'm glad for it.  So thanks girls!  My list of friends may be much MUCH smaller than it was 10 years ago, but I'd be lost without you.

this is nice...

I feel so different this time.  Every other pregnancy, delivery, and early postpartum time has left me feeling exhausted and not wanting to do much.  This time, I feel great.  Of course I am tired but I am getting things done.  We have food in the house, the laundry gets done, the kids get to bed at a decent hour (most days).  NONE of that happened after other pregnancies.  Other times, I have just been a lump of a person on the couch eating my way into a coma, only waking to feed children. 

This is a good feeling.  Maybe it's because I know this is it.  If I can make it out of this last newborn stage and (dare I say it) out of the diaper stage then it'll be *slightly* easier.  Maybe it's because I know this is the last year with all 4 kids at home, next year I'll lose both Zoe and Asher to school for 6 hours a day.  Whatever it is, it's nice.  I want to get back to the gym, I want to cook dinner every night, I want to have a structure to my day...those are words I never thought I'd say.  Maybe that is because if I didn't have structure I'd go insane, the 4 of them would overpower me and that would be the end.  Mike would come home to find me mumbling to myself while the kids threw things at me like Goldie Hawn in Overboard. 

I want this to go on. I hope that by the time I can get back to the gym, I'll still want to be there.  I have fitness goals and things I want to accomplish.  Now that my child bearing years are over I can do these things without worrying that I'll get pregnant again, we can make vacation plans a year in advance.  I can get into shape and not think that a pregnancy is going to slow me down.  I love my kids and looking at it as it is, I'm glad we had them all at once.  Now I can focus on raising them and getting to where I want to be as a mom and wife. 

For Angela, my Paul.

An amazing woman named Angela goes to First Baptist Church Buford.  She is an insightful teacher, good friend, fabulous mother, and doting wife.  She made me think about what it means to be a Christian woman in a way I've never before heard.  I heard on the radio one day a man speaking of how every Christian needs two types of people in his life, a Paul and a Timothy.  A Paul is the wiser and deeper Believer that can teach you how to become a better Christ-follower and a Timothy is a less mature Believer that you teach and bring up.  To the Paul, you are Timothy and to the Timothy, you are Paul.  Angela was my Paul for the short time we lived in Buford. 

Last night, Angela's 8 year old son, Isaac, died in his sleep.  They are not sure yet what caused his death, but he was a diabetic and it is believed that his death was somehow related to this.  I am so sad for Angela and her family.  She has 5 other children that she has to find the strength to continue to care for.  I don't know how a mother deals with the loss of a child.  I can't imagine.  In a mom group I belonged to in Florida, a woman had lost her 10 year old son, she said that there is nothing anyone can say to help the pain go away and the only thing that brought her any comfort was when another woman who had lost a child came to her and they simply cried together.  The only person who knows that kind of grief is someone who has been through it. 

I know Angela is strong in her faith and I know that she will (and has already) given this terrible situation to God and will continue to hope in Christ.  But I hope she finds a Paul to guide her through this time and when the time comes, she can be a Paul to the next grieving mother. 

Maybe it's just me but when I'm pregnant I become all consumed with the entire process.  It's all I can think about and, unfortunately for those around me, all I talk about.  And even thought this baby wasn't planned or expected, within hours of getting a positive test I had 8 iPhone apps and was thinking about names.  It's like the baby is some kind of strange parasite that overtakes my brain so I can only concentrate on what it is doing to my body and my life.  But it also makes me think about the kids I have now, how this baby is going to effect their lives once it's here and forever.  How is this little one going to change our established family dynamic.  Zoe is fine, she's great at being a big sister and this baby will not be a problem for her at all.  Asher will be alright as long as he can still get his early morning "cuddle time" with me, that's the only time of day that he NEEDS his momma.  Taegan, well...I'm really worried about how she is going to react.  She is incredibly jealous.  She is very independent, but as soon as Mike or I pick up or hold one of the other two, she flips out.  I don't think she is going to handle it very well at all.

But this is will be good for us.  We'll have to figure out how to work better as a family, how to better manage money, and how to parent 4 kids.  It's funny how your parenting style has to change every  time you add a new one into the mix.  With one child, you can do everything you always wanted (or thought you wanted), play dates, dance class, one on one time, you can discipline the way you want, enforce sleep time, dinner time, play time, learning time the way you want to.  There is no one else to screw up the perfect schedule you've set up for your family.  Number 2 comes along and things start to conflict, one naps when the other is awake, one is sick when the other has a play date, one only wants corn dogs the other only wants pb&j, one is a night owl the other is an early riser.  It's funny, but when number 2 arrives, you realize how easy it is to only have one.  Number 3 causes complete chaos, no one is ever asleep at the same time, no one can agree on food, no one wants to watch the same movie, and suddenly, the parents are out numbered and you run out of arm and lap space to hold everyone at the same time.  On the bright side rumor has it that after number 3 your brain turns to complete mush and any kids you have after that just kind of fit in somewhere.  It's gonna be an interesting ride.

Now what...

So basically everyone knows now that we are expecting baby Schultz #4.  No, we weren't planning this.  No, we weren't very careful about preventing this.  So yes, we should have expected this.  Whatever, too late now.  Besides, what are you gonna do about?  Cry?  Complain?  Think about all the things are going to change?  What good does any of that do?

I think it's funny how the same event can cause so many different reactions.  I have had people give me responses ranging from total happiness and joy to someone asking me if we were going to keep the baby.  I guess the response that has surprised me the most is mine.  A few months ago I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted more children, but even if we were going to have more, I knew I didn't want another baby any time soon.  And now, I am obsessed with pregnancy all over again.  I have about 8 new pregnancy apps, I am constantly thinking about names, I'm cautiously waiting for the nausea to kick in, and I'm trying to imagine what life is going to be like with another little baby in the house. Now I'm thinking about the things we need...a VAN, a new crib, and a new infant car seat.  Not too bad... I did give away all of my infant clothing and some of  my maternity clothes, but that's not a big deal, I already bought a new maternity dress.  HA!

Whatever, when I was pregnant with Taegan I knew (or felt like I knew) she was not going to be my last pregnancy, and I didn't want to even think that it was going to be the last time I was pregnant.  But this time is very different.  I KNOW that this is the last pregnancy.  So I want to make a real effort to enjoy it for what it is.  Sometimes I wish I wouldn't have found out so early (4wk2d) because it makes the wait for the end so long, but on the other hand...it is giving me the chance to enjoy nearly every single day of the pregnancy.  It is over so quickly, when you're at the end looking back...it really is the fastest 9 months of your life.  So who cares?  We are here, having another baby, and we are going to enjoy it and welcome the new little Schultz when he/she arrives.

So thanks to everyone for your amazing support, I know so many people who don't get the same kind of responses we got, especially with how close in age our little ones are going to be.  I know we wouldn't be able to handle this as easily if it wasn't for YOU!

Couponing, Birthdays, and Promotions

That's pretty much been my life for the past few weeks.  Family coming in for a birthday party, gearing up for Halloween, clipping coupons and planning my grocery store trips like I'm cramming for some weird final, and Mike got a promotion.  So let's break it down (but you gotta say like the crazy guy on Yo Gabba Gabba)...

So Zoe turned 4 on October 20th and we had a great turn out for her costume party!  WOOT WOOT!  Princesses, super heroes, animals...it was great!  And with birthdays comes family which brings insane amounts of cleaning the house so the in-laws don't think you are some kind of wacko who is leaving their child and grandchildren neglected and starving.  My in-laws don't think that way, but that's what goes through my mind whenever they are coming into town.  The house never gets as clean as I would like it, I seriously need a maid.  And since Halloween is right around the corner, we carved pumpkins!  Hurray!  Unfortunately, we had about 3 days of rain and they all turned to moldy mush...not fun.  Plus I have also decided to be super cheap with my candy giving this year...I'm handing out all my left over candy from last year first.  So don't come to my house expecting anything super yummy, cause that ain't happenin'.  Hahaha!

And coupoing is going really well!  I saved over $100 today.  Yup, I'm serious.  Over one hundred dollars.  Awesome, especially since I had to get things that aren't every time items, like dog food, toilet paper, and contact solution.  In fact, listen to this:  I had 2 $1 off coupons for Ronzoni Garden Delight pasta, and this week that pasta is buy one get one free at Publix.  That Ronzoni pasta was regularly $1.79 but when it is BOGO, Publix makes each box half price!  So that means each box was 89cents, and when I used my $1 off coupons for each box...well, you see the math!  I got 2 boxes of pasta for FREE and the 22cents change (11cents per box) was taken off the rest of the bill!  Now THAT is how couponing works!  I got other awesome deals, like 4 cans of Cambells Select Soup for $2.80 total, and Tyson AnyTizers that are normally $9 a bag for $3.50 a bag.  So I'm very satisfied with the results so far.  Even with the time it takes to prepare for the shopping trip, it is so worth it.  Now I just need to get to the point where I have enough coupons for each item that I can stock up on things to last me to the next sale.  Although, I've noticed that if one brand of tuna is on sale this week, next week the competitor brand is on sale, so it seems to work itself out as long as I am flexible with the brand.

And Mike got a promotion, or is going to be getting a promotion in the coming months.  Either way it is great news.  More job security and stability.  Good things!  However, I am truly beginning to understand why all the other wives call themselves Key Property widows.  His already long days are being pulled even longer and this week (auction week) he is even gone on Saturdays.But all this training is good for him and in the long run it is good for our family.  I just wish there was a better balance, oh well, it'll work out.

So those are the things that have been on my mind recently.  Nothing to straining or deep or life changing, but time consuming and just apart of our every day lives.

Does a blog need a purpose?

I feel like every blog I hear about or read has a purpose.  Whether the blogger is discussing politics or parenting, couponing or Christianity, they are all focused on one idea.  My blog is nothing like that, I'll get a thought stuck in my head and if I can't get it out, I blog it.  Which doesn't happen with too much consistency, obviously.  Besides all that, I have too much going on in my mind to just focus on one theme all the time.  Couple that with chasing kids around like a crazy person, and I don't really have the time to devote to one thing or another.  So maybe I'll blog about different things on different days and try to fit it all in.  I feel like I have a lot to talk about and since I don't get out much, this blog will have to be my voice.

Today's blog is about motherhood.  It's important that you know that I can only speak for women and only of my experiences, I know that everyone is different and my opinions don't hold true for all people.  It's funny how we have all these ideas about motherhood before we ever become one.  When we are young we think motherhood is about being able to tell someone else what to do and as we get older we think, it'll be fun to have a kid cause we can play with them and let them do all the things our parents never let us do.  Then as we get to the age where we could become mothers and we start to judge other women and how they are raising their kids saying, "Oh, I'd never do that." or "I can't believe they are letting their child behave that way!"  Then we get that positive pregnancy test and things start to change, we start thinking about names and looks and personalities that our child might have and what we can do to influence those things.  We take better care of ourselves in order to give our baby the best start in life, and this is just the beginning of the things we sacrifice for our kids.

Everyone hears about sacrificing for your child, and most people do it once they become mothers, but ideas are NOTHING compared to the truth.  Giving up alcohol and junk food for veggies and vitamins is trivial compared to the things you give up after you leave the delivery room.  It isn't just about the way your body changes and never goes back, the way that can make you feel, especially when your husband is no worse for wear and people like Heidi Klum strut their stuff on the Victoria's Secret cat walk 6 weeks postpartum.  It isn't about the hormonal mood swings that come out of nowhere, cause while that diminishes slightly over time, it never goes away.  It isn't about not having time for yourself anymore, when just as you get the baby to sleep and you try to lie down, the phone rings or dog barks and the baby is screaming again.  It's everything.  Literally, every THING in your life is now effected because you are a mother.  And some things about motherhood are still only discussed in the doctor's office, which is good that the docs are talking about it, but you feel like a weirdo around your friends who have had kids and they never talk about them.  Things like how much nursing hurts or about postpartum depression or about how your husband wants sex and you could care less.  We don't hear about these things from our friends so when they happen to us, we are left feeling odd and alone.  And beyond the infant stages we are constantly being challenged with lessons in patience, kindness, and self-control.

Kids are great, and the good things you hear about parenting are even better when you experience them, but I think sometimes we get so caught up in how great it is that we leave out the people who feel like some of it isn't so great, in fact, some of it stinks.  And while we wouldn't trade our kids for what we have given up, we want to make sure that those thinking about becoming moms know the whole picture and aren't caught unawares when the perfect happy world they thought parenthood was becomes a nightmare.  And for those women who think, "I'm going to be a great mom.",  you'll have days where you aren't so sure.  And those who think, "I will never let my children behave that way.",  they will.  And those who think, "I can't believe that mother is ignoring her crying child.",  you'll learn to tune out the cries that don't matter.