mom friends

When I was in school I tried to have as many different types of friends as possible.  While most of my friends were associated with the band in some way, I didn't want to belong to just one group of people.  I'm sure I could have done better, but overall I'm satisfied with the variety of people with which I was acquainted.  However, I'm noticing that as I get older I am truly friends with fewer and fewer people.  I am friendly to everyone, but I don't want to be everyone's friend.  I'm sure it has to do with my stage in life, it is hard to build a relationship with someone who has no idea what I am going through on a daily basis.  My routine and schedule is completely centered around my children and it is hard to bring a non-parent into that lifestyle.  Someone who doesn't understand what it feels like to have a newborn living in your house, who doesn't know what it feels like to have someone touching and/or needing you physically (and emotionally and mentally) all day long, and who doesn't know what it is like to hurt when your child is shunned by other kids on the playground can't commiserate with me.  The funny part of all of it is that when you are a parent, especially those that are stay at home parents, NEED to have friends.  There has to be someone, other than your spouse, to vent and talk and laugh with.  I have found a few women that I am really drawn towards, women I feel know exactly what I am experiencing and who understand my quirkiness.  Sadly, some of these girls live in other states so the chances of a girls night out or lunch/play date is very slim, but it is amazing how easily text messages can connect people.  Since moving from Florida, my closest friends have come through text message and Facebook conversations, maybe that is a sign of the times or just what happens when you don't get out much, either way I'm glad for it.  So thanks girls!  My list of friends may be much MUCH smaller than it was 10 years ago, but I'd be lost without you.

this is nice...

I feel so different this time.  Every other pregnancy, delivery, and early postpartum time has left me feeling exhausted and not wanting to do much.  This time, I feel great.  Of course I am tired but I am getting things done.  We have food in the house, the laundry gets done, the kids get to bed at a decent hour (most days).  NONE of that happened after other pregnancies.  Other times, I have just been a lump of a person on the couch eating my way into a coma, only waking to feed children. 

This is a good feeling.  Maybe it's because I know this is it.  If I can make it out of this last newborn stage and (dare I say it) out of the diaper stage then it'll be *slightly* easier.  Maybe it's because I know this is the last year with all 4 kids at home, next year I'll lose both Zoe and Asher to school for 6 hours a day.  Whatever it is, it's nice.  I want to get back to the gym, I want to cook dinner every night, I want to have a structure to my day...those are words I never thought I'd say.  Maybe that is because if I didn't have structure I'd go insane, the 4 of them would overpower me and that would be the end.  Mike would come home to find me mumbling to myself while the kids threw things at me like Goldie Hawn in Overboard. 

I want this to go on. I hope that by the time I can get back to the gym, I'll still want to be there.  I have fitness goals and things I want to accomplish.  Now that my child bearing years are over I can do these things without worrying that I'll get pregnant again, we can make vacation plans a year in advance.  I can get into shape and not think that a pregnancy is going to slow me down.  I love my kids and looking at it as it is, I'm glad we had them all at once.  Now I can focus on raising them and getting to where I want to be as a mom and wife. 

For Angela, my Paul.

An amazing woman named Angela goes to First Baptist Church Buford.  She is an insightful teacher, good friend, fabulous mother, and doting wife.  She made me think about what it means to be a Christian woman in a way I've never before heard.  I heard on the radio one day a man speaking of how every Christian needs two types of people in his life, a Paul and a Timothy.  A Paul is the wiser and deeper Believer that can teach you how to become a better Christ-follower and a Timothy is a less mature Believer that you teach and bring up.  To the Paul, you are Timothy and to the Timothy, you are Paul.  Angela was my Paul for the short time we lived in Buford. 

Last night, Angela's 8 year old son, Isaac, died in his sleep.  They are not sure yet what caused his death, but he was a diabetic and it is believed that his death was somehow related to this.  I am so sad for Angela and her family.  She has 5 other children that she has to find the strength to continue to care for.  I don't know how a mother deals with the loss of a child.  I can't imagine.  In a mom group I belonged to in Florida, a woman had lost her 10 year old son, she said that there is nothing anyone can say to help the pain go away and the only thing that brought her any comfort was when another woman who had lost a child came to her and they simply cried together.  The only person who knows that kind of grief is someone who has been through it. 

I know Angela is strong in her faith and I know that she will (and has already) given this terrible situation to God and will continue to hope in Christ.  But I hope she finds a Paul to guide her through this time and when the time comes, she can be a Paul to the next grieving mother. 

Maybe it's just me but when I'm pregnant I become all consumed with the entire process.  It's all I can think about and, unfortunately for those around me, all I talk about.  And even thought this baby wasn't planned or expected, within hours of getting a positive test I had 8 iPhone apps and was thinking about names.  It's like the baby is some kind of strange parasite that overtakes my brain so I can only concentrate on what it is doing to my body and my life.  But it also makes me think about the kids I have now, how this baby is going to effect their lives once it's here and forever.  How is this little one going to change our established family dynamic.  Zoe is fine, she's great at being a big sister and this baby will not be a problem for her at all.  Asher will be alright as long as he can still get his early morning "cuddle time" with me, that's the only time of day that he NEEDS his momma.  Taegan, well...I'm really worried about how she is going to react.  She is incredibly jealous.  She is very independent, but as soon as Mike or I pick up or hold one of the other two, she flips out.  I don't think she is going to handle it very well at all.

But this is will be good for us.  We'll have to figure out how to work better as a family, how to better manage money, and how to parent 4 kids.  It's funny how your parenting style has to change every  time you add a new one into the mix.  With one child, you can do everything you always wanted (or thought you wanted), play dates, dance class, one on one time, you can discipline the way you want, enforce sleep time, dinner time, play time, learning time the way you want to.  There is no one else to screw up the perfect schedule you've set up for your family.  Number 2 comes along and things start to conflict, one naps when the other is awake, one is sick when the other has a play date, one only wants corn dogs the other only wants pb&j, one is a night owl the other is an early riser.  It's funny, but when number 2 arrives, you realize how easy it is to only have one.  Number 3 causes complete chaos, no one is ever asleep at the same time, no one can agree on food, no one wants to watch the same movie, and suddenly, the parents are out numbered and you run out of arm and lap space to hold everyone at the same time.  On the bright side rumor has it that after number 3 your brain turns to complete mush and any kids you have after that just kind of fit in somewhere.  It's gonna be an interesting ride.